I live in Cincinnati now.

I am still single, even though I have been dating.  I love the hard to have ones and the easy to have ones love me.

 

I just want to be me. I'm okay with just being me.  I want to make friends, but that's completely different.

 

I'm not in school yet.

 

That's about it. Living on my own, I don't know how to write to myself anymore. I've made a lot of mistakes I don't want on paper (or computer screen)...annnnnd I'm feeling a lot of horrible emotions lately so I'd rather not think.  For the most part, I'm much happier.

I'm done with dating sites.  It's not what I want.  I didn't want it anyway, but figured it'd be something to do and it'd get my mind off everything else.  I know what I want, and it's not some random guy.  I want what I can't have.

 

Regardless, me being on a dating site is retarded.  I left for a while but put a profile back up to prove something to Luthman about dating sites...then out of curiosity started checking it religiously again to see if anyone was interested.  The sad thing is, even if they are I'm not.  Maybe for something new and exciting, but I don't honestly want a long term thing with them.  At least I haven't met anyone else worth it.

 

uuuughh....  Time travel, go!

Fuck.

Oopsie daisy I fucked up!  I'll regret it for a while.  I just want to know I'm not crazy and that I was justified in the temporary insanity. I want to know it's completely over because he wants it to be anyway and not because I'm a bit looney. hah.  I guess it doesn't matter as long as it's nonexistant... but whatev.  I just miss the chats.. and the possibility.  Him.  It sucked even more seeing his dating profile online.  Stinnnnng.  Should be me kissing those lips and laughing at his goofiness.  Oh well.  I hope he finds someone anyway if that's what he wants.

I don't know.. a lot of things.

 

Should I know?  Maybe I just know a little about a lot.

You could even say I'm pretty happy right now.  I'm happy with the majority of the decisions I've made, which is more than I can usually say.  That's all that really matters to me.

 

The tentative plan?  Summer school to finish my last two classes at community college.  Apply for Pitt.  Work my butt off fall/winter... hopefully move in the Spring.

It would be so lovely to have a fresh start, even if I struggle... I'd be struggling on my own, in my own place, not surrounded by the things I don't like about this place.  I'll miss the friends I have here and my parents, but... I can always come home to visit.  It's way past time.  I wonder if I didn't go because I wasn't truly ready, but I think that's just nonsense. hah.  I've been ready.  This is long overdue.  Also, I'm not getting in anymore relationships until I move where I want to be. lol.  I'll be damned if I get trapped here or take someone with me.  Okay, so that's cold hearted.  I would love to have love...and yes if they were that important to me I might take them... but I don't like that option as much, honestly.  Plus the whole "focus on yourself, achieve your goals" thing...  We know (or I know, some of you noticed) how I get distracted and lose motivation.  What year is this?  How much time have I wasted here? Theoretically I could have transferred to Pitt (assuming I got in) back in '08.  lol.  Onward and upward though.  It's stupid regretting things and I'd rather learn from it. :)

So that's the update on life.

 

PS- If I don't get into Pitt, I'll be going somewhere else.... out of Ohio.  I'm not giving up.  Boston, Philadelphia, Portland, Seattle, another school in Pittsburgh?  Something will work out.  Somehow.  Against all odds financially, lol.

Have you ever had to spend the night at a hospital?
Many times.

Are you currently trying to get over someone?
eh..... it's complicated.. not anymore, we're gonna work on things.

Do you still have your wisdom teeth?
no, had them all cut out in high school.

Have you ever dated someone with longer hair than yours?
close, but no cigar.

Have you ever bought clothing online?
Yes

The last time you went to the emergency room, was it for yourself?
No, for my boyfriend's dad.

Have you ever worn flipflops in the snow?
probably.

As a child, did you ever have a clown or a magician at your birthday parties?
nope.

Have you met someone who has undergone a sex change?
nope.

Do you celebrate Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hannukah, or something else?
christmas, but I don't really focus on the true meaning (you know, religious reasons)

Which room in your house tends to be the coldest in the winter time?
my room... it's in the basement...

Do you wear Roxy, Billabong, or Volcom?
No.

Do you own a leather jacket?
No.

Have you ever been to an NFL football game?
no

How was the weather when you woke up today?
well I haven't been to bed, but it's been foggy... warm cold warm cold, which is probably why I have a runny nose & can't stop sneezing.

When was the last time you hit a pinata at a party?
Ummmm, wow, 1998? Probably earlier.

Are you a flirt?
Not so much.

Who were you with the last time you went out for food?
Zig & Luthman.

What was the last thing you bought online?
uhh...I don't know.  Comic books for the boy?

What shape is the sponge you use for washing dishes?
it's a dishwasher shaped one..

Did you get a hair cut within the past month?
Yes

If you use a three-ring binder for school, how many inches is it?
1 inch? I dunno.

Have you ever been arrested?
put in the back of a cop car, but not arrested.

How old were you when you met your first love?
eh... 18? 19?

Do you own a pair of those oversized headphones?
No.

Are you taking this survey in a place other than your home?
no

Are you big on partying?
every once and a while I like to drink with my friends, but nothing crazy.

Is your hair parted straight down the middle?
for the most part.

If you wear glasses, are your frames a different color other than black?
I finally got new glasses! My old ones were blue metal, now I've got brown/ivory acryllic or plastic, whatever.  They remind me of an old woody station wagon:


I'll show a pic of the glasses someday.

Have you ever taken part in a parade?
multiple times.  It's a small town.

Who are the majority of your text messages in your inbox from?
brad.

Alright. So now that this survey is done, what are you gonna do?
heat up some frozen vegetables for breakfast, smoke & go to bed?... yeah, that's terrible.